Keeping the “Love” alive

Posted by on July 15, 2013 in Being a Mumma, Kids | 12 comments

Keeping the “Love” alive

I have read so many things about introducing a new baby to your toddler, how your partner can support you during pregnancy, even how to introduce a new baby to your dog but I never see much about bringing a baby into your relationship.

Now I am definitely no relationship expert but I do feel when a baby makes 3, 3 can become a crowd.
Not to mention 4,5,6 or more.

I remember when I was pregnant with Olivia, one of the tradesman working on our house said “Oh your pregnant, congratulations”.

“Now I know your going to and probably have already  received a lot of advice”(geez that’s and understatement and a half!!) but please promise me you’ll do one thing?”

“Don’t forget your husband!!” he said.

I didn’t want to go into it cause he was quiet emotional, not crying just upset. So I assumed he must’ve been going through a separation but it made me think.

It is really sad to see so many young families separated. Obviously there many reasons why people split up but I do think kids can make or break a couple. Having a baby is a 24-7 job so it’s only natural that something’s got to give.

When a little person comes into your life it is so easy to forget how it all came about. I’m not going to talk about the birds and the bees and when a man loves a women the things they do etc etc but I am going to say “Keep the love alive”.

I’ve spoken to a couple of friends about this recently both with young families. One of my friends is recently separated with two kids and another asked me how JB and I stay so in love? We are not a PDA (Public Display of Affection) type couple but we do work on us constantly.

With him traveling often and 2 young kids it is hard to find time together. These are sort of, I guess rules we try to follow

1. NO kids sleeping in the bed –  (unless of course they are sick. If I have to get up with one I will often take them in the spare room or settle them back in their room). I will probably get a lot of comments for this one but this is my opinion.

2.Routine – I have the kids fed, bathed, Jack asleep and Liv playing in the toy room or watching TV by 630-7pm. This way JB and I can sit down together and have dinner with no TV and no kids.

3 Date night – Now JB has different ideas at times about this, he thinks grocery shopping is a date. I can assure you it’s only because he is so in love with food, I hate it grocery shopping that is.
We try to do this fortnightly but with his schedule it does often push out to monthly. We are fortunate enough that we have recently moved close to my family, so date night is easier to find a babysitter. If you don’t have family around or a baby sitter you can always put the kids in bed, hire a movie, get some popcorn and chocolate and make the effort to spend time together.

4 Talking – I know this sounds so cliche but it’s so true. This is something we have had to work on, those of you who know JB know he’s not really the emotional type. He is very loving, caring and supportive but talking about feelings is not his strong point.
Just talk about each others days and try to have a conversation that doesn’t revolve around the kids. It can be tough because some days when he gets home I am like ” please take her before I lose my shit”. So it can be hard not to whinge about your day. Olivia is our busy, challenging and head strong little darling (age 3 is really tough!!) Anyways that’s an entirely different story which I promise I will post. “Does my child have ADD?”

5 Arguments – And I NEVER go to bed without a argument or disagreement resolved. You don’t know what will happen tomorrow. (This was added from a comment below, thanks to Brittany)

6 “Check yourself” before saying goodbye or hello. (So many times I regret my husband coming home from work and I was in a bad mood because our precious daughter had been quite challenging for most of the day. This comment was written by Nicole Elswyk)

7. Don’t forget your boyfriend/partner/husband!! –
Your kids need love but so do they and remember how they were created in the beginning, now I’ve given you a visual he he he.

Off you go and give each other some lovin! Xx

 

PS If you have any helpful things that you think I should add like Brittany and Nicole, please feel free to contact me.

The more ideas and ways to help the better!!!

We all need a kick up the butt sometimes xx

 

 

12 Comments

  1. I couldn’t agree more! Our rules were very similar.. but I had one more.. which was to ‘check’ yourself before saying goodbye or hello. So many times I regret my husband coming home from work and I was in a bad mood because our precious daughter had been quite challenging for most of the day. Our Bella sure is a head strong girl and loved to throw a tantrum or ten when she couldn’t get her own way.
    Wonderful blog entry Kylie… thank you for sharing.

  2. Hi Kylie, loved this entry. I am 23 I have been with my partner for 4 years. You are so true with all those rules- and we don’t even have kids!

    We make an effort to cook dinner together while I am “chopping” he is “stirring” we talk about the day, latest news even the social media goss! I always tell him I appreciate him, he is a male doesn’t do many household jobs. But if he hangs the washing out for me, sweeps the floors, does the dishes I always say thank-you and I appreciate it. As we know men aren’t mind readers and he needs to know. And I NEVER go to bed without a argument or disagreement resolved. You don’t know what will happen tomorrow..

    Thank-you Kylie x

  3. So so true kylie- I totally underestimated the impact that having a baby would have on our relationship! It’s a really important topic. Well done!

  4. I can’t imagine not having the ‘love’ with a husband like JB. Lol. On a serious note: Love your blog Kylie. Keep it up. Well done!

  5. Love this post, and it is so true. We have 2 boys aged 8 & 5, and we have always made sure that we have regular date nights, and don’t forget about us, as a couple. I strongly agree with the no children in your bed rule, we have never let our children sleep in our bed, (nor have they wanted to) and they have always been great sleepers. Its so important to love each other & set a good example for your children. We don’t have family around us, but we always make an effort to have date night, even if it means saving up, or going without something else to pay a babysitter, its a good investment, I think!!!

    I am really enjoying your blog, thanks x

  6. A very very touching post xxxxxxxx

  7. Such a well written piece and totally relatable ..
    It’s important to have time as husband and wife, and not mum and dad as often as you can… And keeping it simple is just as fun.. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in what other couples are splashing on fAcebook for their date nights, that we miss those little opportunities to keep it alive.. You don’t need a flashy hotel and 3 day mini break to spice it up (although it would be nice) just remember those little m

    • Continued::
      Just remember the little moments, they matter too…

  8. am about to go on a 10 night holiday with husby without all 5 of our children to Bali… my older kids from marriage 1 are looking after younger children from happier marriage 2!
    the comments I have gotten about this from other parents are astounding and rude… but as I see it – our time alone to relax and reconnect from both working full time is the most important thing we can do as parents – our children desperately need us to be in love and happy… nothing would be more important to them… date nights are fabulous – holidays are x 100 fabulous… I would also suggest this for couples…

  9. Hi Kylie,

    Me and my Husband consider myself family already. I ageee with you totally. I have so many friends who are downers who say you’ll see when you have kids, they dont even believe me that I arent very maternal might change one day. They saay they dont have time thats bull crap. I SEE and hear others who do. They sleep with there little ones as well hate that… and they dont do anything for themselbes ona regular basis. I STill like them. U will always have each other for ever, once a child/children grow up what else can u do other than putting your relationshp first, it shows the love you bave for everyone. There is enough love to go around. After all you were family before and you will always be family.

  10. Hi Kylie, I just read your story, I hope everything is going well for you, JB and the kids!!!!

  11. Hey Kylie,
    I’m a friend of Brad’s (Clint Gehrigs now wife) Braddles referred me to have a peek at your blog. I must say this entry is by far the most real thing I have read. Your so right, enough with all the baby advice; where was the heads up that our relationship would change so dramaticly? Not all change is bad and having our little Brax around is the best thing that has happened to us – but it’s just different now…. This is the piece of information I will be providing to my friends from now on who are pregnant with their first babies! Great stuff Kylie
    Jess x

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