“So, are you pregnant yet??”
These 5 words should never be used in the same sentence!!
For someone who has fallen pregnant by accident or on the first try, you can’t even begin to imagine how hard it actually is to fall pregnant. Also people that haven’t even tried yet. Each cycle a women only has a 15-25% chance of conceiving, but this is only the case if you do everything right. If you or your partner have any medical conditions that decreases the chances significantly. That 15-25% is also only if you ovulate which not everyone does each month and it needs to be the right size egg and the right amount of hormones for it to progress.
So you’re pregnant, yay time to celebrate, WRONG!! You now need to wait 12 weeks to ensure the cells divide correctly and the chromosomes are how they should be, the foetus implants where it should and a little heart starts beating. Even after all of this, things can happen beyond your control and the pregnancy can been see as not viable. A miscarriage is when the uterus expels the ‘products of conception’ before the twentieth week of pregnancy. A missed miscarriage is the medical term used when the foetus dies and is retained in the uterus, if this happens or your body doesn’t expel everything an operation called a curette is perform to remove the conception tissue. There is a lot more to the whole process obviously but I am just trying to paint the picture that it’s not bloody easy to fall pregnant and have a baby.
In saying that, I can’t believe how many people continue to ask women if they are pregnant or say things like “when are you going to have a baby?” or “I really want you to hurry up and have a baby” or even just “So are you pregnant yet or what?”
I’m sorry but how fucking rude, yep I said it and I don’t even regret it!!
You have absolutely no idea what a couple has been through or what they are going through. As I pointed out above trying to have a baby is bloody hard and can take years and years for some couples. Some people, male or female just can’t have kids or some might just chose not to. At the end of the day it’s no ones business but the couples and when they chose to share information about their stage they are at with having children is no ones business but theirs!!!
This is a topic that is very close to my heart I have seen friends go through the fertility battle and people just say the wrong things at the worst possible times and it makes me so mad. I also had someone asking me and asking me when I was going to have another baby, only a week before I had my ectopic pregnancy. The operation to remove the tube with the baby in it, really knocked me around and I took a long time to recover. I finally snapped and said “I actually just lost a baby and am still recovering from the operation so can you stop asking me?” That shut him up. There were a few more words I wanted to add on the end like, “back the fuck off.” But I knew if I did that, I may have kept going and taken it a little to far.
I know some people reading this will say calm down it’s only a question, no one says it to upset anyone and that I’m being a bit precious but it is really inappropriate.
Imagine if you ask someone if the are pregnant and they have just gained a bit of weight (awkward!!!) or even worse the have a stomach tumour. Google that shit, it can happen.
What about “so when’s the baby due?” And they have already had bub months ago (I know someone who’s said this, twice.
Bottom line people, please don’t ask someone if they or their partner is pregnant. If they have news for you they will tell you when they are good and ready. When you get the all clear it is exciting, so I can assure you they will spread the word!!!